Getting Over My Fear of Turkish Toilets

I think I have shared with some of you my absolute fear and loathing of Turkish toilets, which happily are becoming a little more scarce here.
The first one I ever saw I was so horrified I wouldn't use it and allowed myself to suffer something awful until a proper western style toilet was located. I was dying one time when we were in Pula, Croatia and we were at this really great 2000 year old Roman coliseum. I should have known better but we had just driven hours without finding anyplace with a WC. So I trekked up to where this old lady had her hand out...she wanted 25 cents for the use of one of the toilets there. One was open but it was so vile I backed out and waited to see if the next one was any better. It wasn't. I HELD it!
Then one time when we first went to Greece our driver was taking us to the Bulgarian border inside Macedonia. I was making noises about having to go and he assured me that there was a restaurant not too far up the road that had a good toilet. I assured him that I was perfectly willing to pull over and go behind a bush but he promised me the restaurant toilet was all good. We got there and guess what? It was a Turkish toilet!! And to make matters worse, this time I couldn't hold it. Being new at this I quickly tried to figure out how to manuever this whole thing....do you stand up, do you squat and if you do, which way do you face? And what do you do with your pants legs to keep them out of the muck on the floor? To make matters worse the stupid door wouldn't shut so there I was squatting down (facing the wrong way I found out later) trying to balance myself and holding the door shut with one leg and getting a bunch of backsplash I might add. And several Euros fell out of my pocket onto this mess and believe me....they stayed there. Gads, the entire ordeal just gives me the shivers retelling it.
When we went to Greece this summer Shirley from Texas was telling me that her sister lived in Turkey for 23 years. I asked her if she ever got used to the toilet situation and she said, "well, more or less". I asked her if she knew how to manuever everything, etc. She said the first thing you have to do is throw one leg up behind your shoulder. Well, I got to laughing so hard I think she and the rest of the group at our table thought I was some kind of mental patient. Then she realized what I thought was so funny.....she meant you throw one of your pants legs over your shoulder, not your leg. I still laugh over that visual. Although doing that wouldn't be far different from my experience trying to hold the door closed with one leg and balancing on the other.
When we were traveling home from Montenegro our Serbian friends told us about a place to stop where the "cleanest Turkish toilet" in the world exists. And you know what? It is. And here's a picture of it. I actually used it without a great deal of fuss and didn't feel like I needed to throw away my shoes and jump in the river to clean off. Plus she instructed me on the correct direction to face, thereby avoiding much of the backsplash. Whew....bet you didn't think I would ever launch into a "how-to" manual on the proper use of Turkish toilets, did you? Now I just need to figure out that French bidet thing. Will keep you posted the next time I come in contact with one.